The Internet is about the only thing that makes this shift, and indeed this job, bearable. I'd stick my head in the oven upstairs over the situation, but it's electric and though my dislike for this job is substantial, I have reservations about slowly baking my head and shoulders. I also have to admit having serious doubts that using the broil setting would be much better.
Did you know that in the original story of Goldilocks, the bears torture and kill their impolite visitor?
On the fire they throw her, but burn her they couldn't;
In the water they put her, but drown there she wouldn't;
They seize her before all the wondering people,
And chuck her aloft on St. Paul's churchyard steeple;
And if she's still there, when you earnestly look,
You will see her quite plainly - my dear little Horbook!
Before you get all worked up over such heinous atrocities, know that it wasn't a dear, sweet, little girl they performed these horrible deeds on; it was instead an "angry old woman." Come now, who hasn't wanted to do that before?
There is a town in Spain called Lavacola, whose name literally means "Wash Your Ass".
Internet is back! Time to post this drivel, and continue my search for truth and meaning.