I just removed the folder I had set up for Linda's e-mail. Why do I feel so guilty about that, like I'm erasing some little part that's left of her...? My guts are all wound up, and I actually feel like crying. Over deleting a mail folder. What an idiot.
Maybe it's just everything that's been going on lately.
While waiting for the train this morning, a young woman came up and stood beside me. Rather aggressive, I thought - one of those people who walks up quickly and stops abruptly. As the train pulled up, she moved towards me to follow the door.
Did I say "towards me"? I meant to say "into me". Bumped me off balance and out of the way. Didn't apologize; no fake words of "oh, I didn't see you there despite having walked up right beside you"; didn't even look in my direction. FUCK YOU.
What is one to do? I have strong doubts that talking or making comments to people like that would do any good, and would most likely only serve to further my desire to grab them by the back of the collar and punch them right in the noggin as they "get ahead".
GodFuckingDammit I hate when people ask you a fucking question, interrupt your answer, bumble through it all, and then discover that the resolution is exactly what you'd told them. FUCK YOU.
The other day, everyone in our work group took a "Conflict Mode Instrument" test that categorizes people according to how they deal with conflict. The guy I was just dealing with was "Competing".
Competing is assertive and uncooperative, a power-oriented mode. When competing, an individual pursues his or her own concerns at the other person's expense, using whatever power seems appropriate to win his or her position. Competing might mean standing up for your rights, defending a position you believe is correct, or simply trying to win.
Yeah, sure. It also means they don't fucking listen, end up wasting time, and pissing people off along the way. Don't bother asking me any more fucking questions - I won't have an answer for you. (This responding conflict mode is, oddly enough, known as "Avoiding" and was my second-highest rated method)
.......am I in a good mood, or what??