Diskrepansi (diskrepansi) wrote,
Diskrepansi
diskrepansi

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Hey, that's not bad - only five days since my last update. Given that I usually just bitch about work anyway, I'm sure you've not been missing much. This time, however, I plan on complaining about a few other things as well!

Well, what about work? Let's get that over with first, shall we? Hang on a sec - I gotta get me somethin' to drink........ ah, much better - berry juice! Okay, where was I...? Oh yes. Early last week, I had been working the Helpdesk phones. Now, certainly, I don't have all that much experience in this work environment as some (most!) of the other people there, so every once in a while I have to ask one of the other techs for assistance. In one particular instance, I did just that and got a reply along the lines of, "oh, I'm not sure..." in that rather disinterested tone - the whole time hardly taking his eyes off of his laptop screen as he continued to play some fuckin' video game! This is not the first time I've noticed this activity, it's just the first time it's affected me directly...

That same day, I had been in a little discussion regarding Christmas... now, if you know me, or have been reading this journal through the past few entries, you hopefully have some idea on what I think about the whole Christmas situation. During this particular conversation, we (or maybe it was just me??) mainly talked about the opportunity to get together with family, and how marketing has taken over; that people have lost the meaning of it all. Everyone seemed to be in agreement on the matter, with the others adding their own thoughts on the subject. Not five minutes later, they were talking about what they were hoping their significant others would get them as a present... I just wanted to smack somebody - really hard.

[interlude]

"I cleared it with my dad first. I got a contract from Video Team and took it home to show my dad. I told him what I was thinking about doing, and he gave me a long talking to. In fact, the reason I don't do anal sex on camera is because I promised my dad I wouldn't."
--Anna Amore, on getting parental consent before embarking on her new career.

[/interlude]

Some situations are simply uncomfortable, aren't they? The kind of uncomfortable that makes you just want to leave; makes you just want to go for a walk somewhere until the situation has passed... the kind of situation that you're not actually involved in, where you're just a witness to it, and you want to do something about it but perhaps shouldn't? Let me lay out the scenario for ya... I was sitting at "my" desk (actually, it was skankasorus' desk, but she was away for the day...) overhearing one of the other techs talking to a client. There's little I find more annoying than having to listen to someone who spews bullshit instead of being able to say, "I don't know." Every second sentence, I had to fight the urge to correct what was being said; after all, how would that look to the client? Also, it's been my experience that a good half of people don't take too kindly to being corrected - period - let alone having it done in front of a client. I think that by the time I wandered away, my lip was bleeding from biting it...

Oh! One final thing about work - I promise! At the beginning of this week, everyone at the Helpdesk came in to work to find a card and a couple of chocolates on their desk - apparently from our manager's manager. Not having a desk, and, prob'ly more so, not being a permanent member of the Helpdesk, I did not receive such Christmas consideration. On its own, this didn't bother me much - maybe there would be one waiting for me at my old desk in the IMAC area.

Today, I was visiting the IMAC area, and noticed that, not only was there no card/chocolate (but that's okay, cuz it didn't look like anyone in IMAC got one), but there had been a tin of candies that was brought in by a client that, according to the label, was for the "IMAC team". Go ahead - ask me how many were left... that's right - none. At this point, I couldn't help but think of the cards that the Helpdesk people got. Almost sounds kind of petty, doesn't it, that this would bother me so much? But it's not about cards, chocolate or candies. It's about respect, and about feeling that my contributions actually mean something to someone. Where do I fit? Where do I belong? Am I so worthless to my colleagues that I don't even warrant this kind of small gesture?

These feelings are not new by any means - they've been lingering and swelling and festering for about a year now. In late September, I took a week off of work (a week that I was planning on going to Toronto, actually) to try and collect myself and my feelings. While it did work for a little while, it quickly faded, and I'm finding myself back in the rut again. At this point, the only way out of this that I can see is to get another job. I don't know why I hesitate so much at that prospect. I guess I'm torn between feelings of loyalty to my employer, and feelings of betrayal by the very same.

[sigh]

On a lighter note, Colin and I have been going to the gym for a couple of weeks now. We usually take the +15 walkway (a second-floor overpass/linked hallway system that goes through much of the downtown core) as far as we can. There are a couple sets of doors that have raised questions in our minds...

The first involves a set where one door is consistently locked, yet the other door of the pair is not. Is this to keep half the people out?? I'm sure that most reasonably intelligent folks will figure out how to get past this one. Uh, on second thought...

The other is a set that has stickers on it indicating that security will respond should these doors be held open for too long... "what are they gonna do about it," we wonder... "call the cops and have us charged with holding a door open??" Perhaps it was the lack of food after a good workout that made testing this theory a good idea...

Here's Colin as he's being released.

Heh... just kiddin'. That actually put a smirk on my face...
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