Diskrepansi (diskrepansi) wrote,

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I used to have patience for anything and everything; I could give reasons for why people would do things, why they would say things; I'd explain it away, and I'd accept it. As you may imagine, the cost associated with this came in the form of being used, abused, cheated on, lied to, pushed aside, walked on, and generally being treated like shit. Not even the "good" stuff; disposable shit. There seemed to be no limit to what I'd absorb.

It took me years, and a few interventions by friends, to get myself out of that mode; out of that line of thinking... or am I? I can still come up with reasoning for why certain actions are taken. More and more often over the past couple of years, despite understanding the reasons, I simply no longer accept it. I no longer brush it off, it doesn't vanish; it gets filed in a mental card catalog, reserved for later reference and use.

As the catalog continues to be added to, I've noticed that I can no longer simply sit back and take it all in. I do have a limit, as much as I hate to admit it. I'm not used to this limitation. I've also noticed that my moods have become erratic, sometimes to the point of making me wonder if they'd qualify as being manic-depressive.

Krista, I should not have walked away. I was afraid, though, that if I didn't, that I would react to you with all the frustration and anger that's been lingering from other issues; in fact, that very thing was starting to happen almost immediately. That was not the right place or the right time for a discussion of that nature. I am sorry for leaving tho, and I hope you can forgive me.

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